A Little Walk For Wellness

I love walking.

The past several years I have not been able to do so much of it. Today, fairly recovered from a sinus infection, I went. I had finished a visit to the library and remembered there was a trail there. It was the beginning of twilight, just an hour or so of light left.

I managed about a mile of trail. There were some signs of spring. The invasive honeysuckle already beginning to sculpt its way up saplings. Leaves emerging from brambles impatient to grow their thorns and berries. Here and there -- the color purple -- courtesy of the red bud tree. Of creatures I saw a few robins, a cardinal and one wary calico who crept off the path and eyed me suspiciously as I passed.

Then I arrived at the tunnel under the four-lane road.

I like to look at the graffiti here. There isn't much opportunity in this neck of the woods. I learned another moniker for the current leader of the free world: Daddy Trump.

More inside, where the local officials have tried to put a damper on the festivities by painting the walls black.

The faint orange lines spell Trump again. One can only hope, or maybe not in this case.

If I was still a teen, this might also be a safe place. Now, not so much.

Then it was out of the thoughtful darkness and on to the rest of the trail. The trail I plan to detail more fully runs for three and a half miles to end at the Catawba River. So a good seven mile walk round trip and certainly longer than I had energy for today. Of the many things I love about this set of trails is that in some parts you can almost forget you are in a suburb, such as here:

The stream sounds lovely.
I walked until I saw that the sun was about to set:

Of course it was more striking a minute before I took the picture. I decided to return along the path. The birds had already gone quiet. The air was chilly and damp. A few brave frogs sang a soprano tune. As long as the amphibians are with us, I think we'll be okay.

Curried spring vegetables

Curried Spring Vegetables

This combination of beets, potatoes and onions is light and warming, just like a spring day!

Makes 6 side dish servings, a meal for 2, or for me, 1 large serving and breakfast the next day.

Ingredients

-One bunch beets with greens attached

-Equal amount of potato, about 2-3 medium

-1 onion

-1 clove garlic

-about ½ t lime zest

-heaping T fresh ginger, diced or grated

-¼ t turmeric

-½ t curry powder

-¼ t cinnamon

-¼ t thyme

-dash ground nutmeg

-salt

-pepper

-about ¼ c olive oil

Step 1:  Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

Step 2: While oven is warming up , wash beets and potatoes. Cut stalks off of beets. Retain the leafy greens for the “sauce”. Peel beets and potatoes if you wish, but it isn’t necessary. Cut off beetroots, chop into 1-2 inch chunks. Remove potato eyes if not peeled and chop the potatoes into chunks also. Peel onion and chop it also. Spread the chopped vegetables in a baking dish. Sprinkle with salt and pepper to taste. Coat with a T or two of olive oil. By now the oven should be hot, so go ahead and put the pan in the oven, middle rack.

Step 3: Let the vegetables roast. If you want, you may fuss over them and stir them once in a while, but mine do fine just roasting by themselves. Leave them in for 45 minutes, then check and see if the beets are tender. If they are, take the vegetables out of the oven, if not leave them in for another 10 minutes.

Step 4: While you are leaving the vegetables to roast, make the sauce.

Remove the stalks from the beet greens and wash the leaves well. Put in a medium saucepan with ⅓ c water. Put the saucepan, covered on the stove over medium heat. While that’s cooking go to the next step.

Peel and dice or press the clove of garlic into a small mixing bowl. Add the heaping T fresh grated or diced ginger, the lime zest, turmeric, curry powder, cinnamon, thyme and nutmeg. Stir well. Heat about 2 T olive oil in a small saucepan. Add the spice mix to the heated oil and stir while it cooks just for two to three minutes. With any luck your beet greens are nice and tender now. If they are done properly they will be very soft and you can cut them with a fork or table knife. I do this in the saucepan. Then add the beet greens and the pot liquor to the spices and stir well.

Put aside, as the vegetables are probably still roasting. Put your feet up or catch up on the dishes so you won’t have so much to do later.

Step 5: Once the vegetables are tender remove from the oven and put them in a serving bowl. If they want to stick to the baking dish a spatula should remove them pretty easily while they are hot. Just be careful not to touch the baking dish without a hot pad. Pour the spice mix over the roasted vegetables and mix. Serve immediately, or put in the fridge (covered of course) and have as a cold dish later.

Notes: This could be altered adjusted multiple ways. My inspiration was the wonderful spinach-potato curry dish, but I’m not supposed to eat spinach. Beets are in the same family as spinach, so I thought a potato beet curry would be good. I think the little bit of lime zest is what really makes this dish.

Learning By Hand

I am making a hat for my son. It's styled after a hat he saw in an anime show. It is large and although the pattern is simple, it requires many feet of hand top stitching. If I had a fancy machine I could sew it up in a matter of minutes. Yet I feel I would lose something in the learning process.

When I stitch by hand I am in more intimate contact with the material. I know how stiff the interfacing is, I know or learn how much the material will stretch. Some of this I could learn if I was sewing by machine, but not as well. In addition I am learning more about sewing a straighter seam and come up with ideas to make sewing a straight seam by hand easier. And I have time to think.

Learning is something difficult and it takes as much of all of me as I can handle to do it. So when I am learning, I prefer to learn by hand. And here is an article about some studies which confirm my prejudice. It helps me understand why I often prefer to write something "new" by hand. Whereas once I have the characters and setting firmly in mind, I can come to my laptop, close my eyes and type away with abandon.

Now one thing I've had enough learning about is washing dishes by hand... where is the dishwasher!!

(Pictures of hat coming soon.)

To Do List becomes Not To Do List

This article is the start of helping me find a useful way of structuring my time, so that I can get things done when I'm able to, and not find myself gasping for air by the end of the day.

Sometimes not doing is more important than doing.

Walks

Walking is one way I lower stress. It allows me to get exercise, it provides lots of mental stimulation as I am surrounded by a variety of sights, sounds, smells and tactile sensations. Also it gives me a chance to bond with my dog, Uma and a friend if I'm lucky enough to have human company. 

I plan a series on local walks in the Charlotte, NC and York County, SC area. My plan is to have a general description of the walk, and to include Uma's opinion (as far as I can discern it! ).

So we will see how it goes.

The Perils of Desk-Top Publishing: Consider Using a Professional

I had the gall to print my own graduation announcements "for" my son. Really it was for me, as every mention of this project has led to outright smirks on his part, if not protests of how idiotic graduation announcements are. He has tolerated the process since it has involved no effort on his part and out of affection for me.

I enjoyed the design aspect of the cards, although my photo editing skills leave quite a bit to be desired. I ended up with 2 designs, both of which use some professional senior pictures. One which has a montage I created with his assistance (he was walking towards me). I did some hand lettering and overall I like the design.

My "mass" card making efforts of the past have been less ambitious, using only black and white and a copying machine at the copy shop, with slightly above average quality paper. This time I used real card stock. I was going to use an Avery template, but the whole thing was geared towards people who wanted a more set motif, or who have much better computer graphics formatting skills than myself. (No slur against Avery intended, I've happily used their templates for business cards in the past.) Eventually I gave up and did an old-fashioned lay out with painters tape to hold pictures in place. I used my very simple all in one HP printer. The results are fine by my folksy standards, but I know some of the intended recipients expect a more typical graduation card... oh well. They will just have to smirk a bit, like my son, although for completely different reasons.

If you should decide to embark on such a process I have a few pieces of advice:

1. Have a copy shop or real printer type person with better equipment do this.

If you still insist on doing this yourself...

2. Keep everything very clean and have a microfiber cloth at hand to constantly wipe down the glass and every other area of your printer.

3. Get new color ink in a LARGE size, get brand name, new cartridges and if you are printing any quantity, get several cartridges. I did not do this. The cartridge was running low by the end of the run (and I only printed 15 cards). This led to variation in the depth of color and changes in the color even at the start of the run. Also the refurbished cartridge leaked ink on one card. I adjusted the cartridge, made sure the tape was firmly affixed, blotted the bottom of the cartridge and the rest  of the run did not have this problem.

By now you may be suspecting that the "outrageous" price for color printing at the copy shop or printers is not so outrageous.

4. Watch the whole printing process so that you can catch any problems right away, cancel the job, adjust anything that's awry, and restart the job.

So this was a learning process. One that I won't repeat unless I have a very desperate situation, or an expensive, fancy laser printer and loads more experience.

The inside of one card may sum up the situation nicely!

Apps for Memory Training

We all want to preserve our ability to remember. Even if there are things we wish we could forget!

These are some of the memory apps I have tried so far:

1. Lumosity: The presentation and quality of the games are fine and varied. I'm a bit skeptical of the science involved since the goal for most people is to prevent dementia  and maintain function, not just improve function. Unless you have a stroke or some other cataclysmic event, dementia generally develops quite gradually. It is this silent, slow progression which makes it so creepy and frightening. 

Putting that aside my other complaints are that I found the puzzles either so challenging as to be frustrating or too easy. It may just be me, but emotionally I found the experience to evoke feelings either of smugness or incompetence. To me that is not helpful. Also I didn't like their model (which may have changed since I played) of so many free sessions and then no access. Naturally one of their goals is to make money, so I can't say I blame them, but to expect someone to really see results and appreciate their product over 2 weeks is unrealistic. 

2. Clockwork Brain: I really enjoyed the puzzles in this game, and the artwork, Steam punk themed, is gorgeous. I got it when it was newish, and was frustrated by the lack of new challenges. Since that time they have expanded.

3. My current favorite is Elevate. It focuses on verbal skills. It has definitely helped me tackle some of my chronic spelling weaknesses. It automatically makes challenges more difficult or more simple depending on how you are doing right at that moment. You play each game until you finish the mission, whether it's making a small flock of birds fly, reaching a distant planet in the Space Shuttle, building a shape, etc. This makes the emotional feeling one of success and of overcoming a realistic challenge, even if the score for the day is worse. As you play your score ranking (across all users) gradually goes up, if you play regularly. It keeps track of your playing streak. It does not take a lot of time to get through the 3 games a day you can play for free, and there is a lot of variety in terms of the games, some are auditory challenges, some more visual, some use a combination of visual and auditory techniques to improve memory. I have no idea if it "really works" in a scientific sense. I remain skeptical since I believe we are still in the baby stage of learning about learning. I do know that I look forward to my several minutes of "training" each day. 

As I find new apps I will update this post and "bump" it.

And if anyone has similar apps they enjoy, please post a comment. I review the comments before they appear so you won't see it right away.

Understanding Illness: The Spoon Theory

I wanted to add this link because it is a great description of how anyone suffering from a chronic illness eventually starts to use as a strategy for living. It is interesting because I believe it used to be a part of general human consciousness before people started to believe that we could just run like machines, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with ocassional off days for maintenance.  The Victorians in particular saw personal energy as limited and something to be carefully meted out. Of course, this didn't apply much or at all to lower classes, and was misapplied to middle class and upper class women, who had to reserve all their energy for child-bearing and rearing. That aside, there is a certain logic to acknowledging that no one can do it all, and for many of us there are additional challenges that sap the day's energy away.

Hope it is helpful.

Anger Thoughts

ANGER. We all feel it, it's like what Erasmus said , "Bidden or Unbidden God is present", only substitute anger for God. Fortunately, I am not angry ALL the time. However I am often angry and do not realize it or pay attention to it. I often think I'm angry about one thing that more acceptable for me to be angry about, when actually, my anger is about something else entirely. 

I wrote this word poem about my typical trigger for anger:

Anyone

Not Seen or Heard

Grows

Excessively

Resentful.

The irony is that often I am the person least willing to acknowledge and accept my own anger. So I try to be more aware of even annoyance. For example today I was training my dog and I started to feel impatient. I noticed my impatience and (this time at least) did not fuss at my dog. Instead I noticed that my neck was hurting and decided training was over for the moment. 

I made a list of anger queries for myself:

- Do I listen to my anger, with compassion? Without judgement? With curiosity?

- Do I remember that anger increases energy, focus and motivation (not necessarily bad)?

- Do I use the products of anger (i.e. that focus, motivation and energy) well? 

Often I stuff or ignore my anger which means that whatever triggered the anger, like my sore neck, gets ignored  and worsens. It's so much better when I listen, see if there is something sensible that can be changed. Surprise, suddenly I have the best dog in the universe again! (except of course for your dog).

Coping :Companionship

Yesterday I spent time with a friend, which felt like college, although college was many years ago for me. It felt like college because our getting together was spontaneous, she was finishing up some work, I was drinking coffee. Later we went for a stroll, going nowhere in particular, talking about whatever came to mind, staying up later than either of us intended. Then we happily went our separate ways with no drama.

To me the ideal companionship is just enough "it's us against the world", with enough, "actually I like the world for the most part" to make plotting for social revolution an unlikely outcome.* It's conversation with enough depth to face the eternal question of "I wonder where I fit in this particular universe" knowing that one's compatriot wishes one well as she too ponders her place in her current life, perhaps the life she never expected. This sort of time together gives me courage and energy to face whatever comes next.

I highly recommend it as a way of coping with chronic illness or just being alive. Oddly enough it can be hard to come by.

_____________________________________________________________________________
*In general I have nothing against social revolutions, I just don't find them helpful in dealing with chronic illness (at least not for me!)

Coping: Distraction

So, now I've had to quit my day job due to poor breathing. Once I clear up the debris from my business, I am hoping to find something else lucrative to do. For the next 2 to 3 months I will be clearing up debris, streamlining my life and expenses, and spending more time blogging.

Today I am going to share some of my methods of coping with being ill. My first go-to is distraction. Sometimes distraction can be very positive as a coping method, sometimes it can be disasterous or at least not vey helpful.

Ways Distraction is Helpful:

- Keeps my mind off physical pain, boredom, loneliness.
- Keeps me calm.
- Reminds me of all the pleasant things in life I can enjoy.
- Brings up positive memories of the things I've enjoyed in the past, whether or not I still enjoy them on this particular day.
- Reminds me that the world doesn't always revolve around me and my "little" problems.
- Reminds me to be grateful.
- Can inspire me by the awesome things other people are doing.

Ways Distraction is Sometimes Harmful

- I ignore my physical symptoms and don't take medicine, eat, sleep, exercise and so forth, sometimes with bad consequences.
- I use a harmful distraction, like alcohol or foods I shouldn't eat (intolerance or allergy).
- I distract myself in ways that make me avoid people when I am well enough (even if just barely) to socialize in some way.
- In distracting myself, I forget to do more productive distractions in favor of less stressful distractions (e.g. solve crosswords rather than pay bills).
- I ignore my symptoms and play super-woman instead of addressing my symptoms. That is I go out, work more than I can tolerate and pay the consequences for several days after.

I'm realizing that this is a sort of trial and error thing. I can't always know how much I need to rest and how much I need to push myself. It's like the what I've read on commentary on the serenity prayer, the wisdom to know whether one can change something or not is partly through trying, but instead of "try, try again" endlessly, I am better off following WC Fields advice: "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it." My son who is an admirer of Camus would remind me that there is no shame in acting like Sisyphus, however I would venture to suggest that Camus wouldn't insist that we always have to push the same boulder up the hill over and over again.

I invite you to comment on how distraction affects you... good, bad or as is so often true for me... who knows?

Changes since my childhood #1

The Cold War is over.

It was like the custody battle over the world. It was endless, it was overly dramatic, at times it was ridiculous, always it was terrifying. It left those caught in between exasperated and at times speechless. Like children they wondered if they were partly to blame, picked sides, changed sides, were bribed with fabulous gifts, accused of siding with "that bastard". It created both legal and physical battles. It was unbelievably expensive and took attention away from everything else. In fact there was nothing which could be spoken of except in the context of the custody battle.

Then at first slowly, but ultimately suddenly the fight stopped. It had gone on for so long that the "children" had all grown up. For while it became possible to see the world in color. And how I enjoyed that. Then, alas, came 9-11, and a different version, a hot war with no possible end, came to pass.

I miss seeing in color.

Artwork

I drew this about a year ago. I am finding that at times drawing is a wonderful, meditative past-time. Getting to this place with drawing has been interesting, in that somehow I kept hold of that childhood notion that either one can draw or one can't. Finally I have the patience (and the teen-aged children) to allow the slow process of sketching non-judgmentally, starting with a random doodle watching myself make one small decision after another so that the image grows under my hand. If there starts to be a recognizable image then my mind becomes occupied with the subject and the image grows into a totem concerning my feelings, thoughts and reactions to the subject. Usually I draw from my imagination, although I have sometimes looked at dozens of pictures of a similar image (e.g. a type of flower) before I find I can work on "my" daffodil.

Needless to say, since I'm not actually that skilled at swaddling babies, in real life the baby above would soon have gracefully wrapped blanket all over the place, which would be a fun image to draw or write about at some future date.

Perhaps patience with oneself  is one of the (potential) blessings of being a bit older, I suddenly don't seem to have places to go in a big rush. I want to be here, with those I love, with myself and with my life. For me this is a healing place. I try to remember the young tender parts of myself as I go forward and swaddle them a bit so they can rest and grow strong.

The Joy of Breathing

This week I have been struggling again with asthma. Somehow a flare up always takes me by surprise, even thought I'm very familiar with the symptoms, fatigue, lethargy, being too tired to eat, muscle aches and a spaced out mental state. Fortunately I'm on my way back to baseline. Once I realize where I am, I am better able to accept it and move on, or in my case, give up on pretending I feel fine, collapse for a few days and begin to regroup.

One creative part of the regrouping process is exploring tools available to help propel me out of the rut of illness, fear and paralysis. I found this very helpful post by Jo Ann La Maistre, which echoed the emotional roller-coaster I've been on since my teens when my problems with allergies really surfaced. As she initially points out there is a tendency to ping-pong between a "Pollyanna" (or new age view "Oh, you're going to grow so much from your suffering!"), and the feeling that somehow I am a failure since I can't seem to get or stay well.

I still struggle with this at public events, most notably when I go contra dancing. I find I have to sit out every other set or I end up in a spasm of coughing endlessly, even when I use my rescue inhaler, even when I'm careful to drink plenty of water, even though the event is perfume and smoke free. So I am still experimenting with what to say when I'm sitting out. I'm striving to just say, "I just like to sit out every other set", but somehow  I seem to feel obligated to explain, perhaps because I don't want  suggest I'm rejecting the prospective partner. I also do like to watch, so I'll try this one out too.

The other part I'm working on today is slowing down, staying in the moment and FOCUSING on one thing at a time. When I'm not feeling well that becomes much more difficult as my mind reels with all the plans I have to let go of to have the time and energy to recover.

Here is a picture of the tool I use to help me with this:

View of Small figurine Through the Scope

Super focus Scope

I learned about this tool, made from readily available household items, in the book Focus Your Writing by Bonnie Hearn. I'm still working my way through the book, but so far can recommend it highly. I especially like that she demystifies the writing process and encourages the writer to go ahead, write and enjoy the writing process.

Brief Update

I just wanted to note that I had an article accepted on Helium, so I have earned my first dollar as a writer. It's not going to show up in my bank account for some time, but I thought it ought to have a place of honor on my blog. I hope to write here more soon as well.

Irony

Ironically I started this blog with some writings about looking for work, and now I myself am looking for a second job or business.

So far I've applied for a job with mental health care, have joined a medical writer's association, have started making crafts (but haven't been brave enough to try to sell them), have sold some things on eBay... I'm also going to try my hand at some public speaking which I enjoy and possibly continue with some content writing (on-line writing) as well. I'm simply trying to do something positive about my financial needs every day, even if it is a small something. It does help me feel a bit better than sitting and fretting.

Of course every solution brings its own challenges. Sometimes challenges are fun opportunities for growth and other time they are simply tiring. I am thankful that I live in an age which provides many different options for work. However I would be much more grateful if the economy was doing better, even if it meant fewer opportunities and challenges!

The Princess Curse: Women Entwined Inexorably With Virtue

Recently I watched Tangled with my son and was struck by the following:

Loved the horse, or is it a dog, or what?

Loved the crazy long hair and how completely impossible everything was. Let's hear it for cartoon physics!

Three cheers for frying pans, even though I'm a Quaker!

I also thought it was a nice touch, at the start, to have a villainess who was primarily charming and manipulative as her form of aggression.

Ok, so the usual Disney Princess fare. And that's the problem. There's our Hero, who is, of course, tediously good-looking, healthy and as usual egotistical, callous, an unapologetic law-breaker and basically a no-good guy whose saving graces are being handsome, reckless, and arrogantly thoughtless. Enter our Princess who while agile (especially with the hair! Hey if mine could work as a prehensile limb, I'd never cut mine either!), creative, intelligent and deeply sensitive and caring, is also almost entirely unquestioning of authority, deeply into people-pleasing as her main source of protection (ok, she's decent with a frying pan, and don't forget her mighty chameleon side-kick) and otherwise is “as good as she is beautiful.”

By the end of the predictable if enjoyable tale, our hero has been saved by falling in love with our perfect princess (did I mention she's a size 2 soaking wet and dipped in batter?) which brings out all his finer qualities.

I have 2 objections: the first is that this plays into the myth that women are responsible for saving the world and every single man in it, one at a time, through being beautiful, good, and at most a bit whiny. The only “allowable faults” are vanity and intense emotions (excluding intense anger of course).

I want to see the other story, the one about the girl/young woman who is not “good” and who is redeemed. In thinking about this the only movie that comes to mind is “The Accused”, which is hardly appropriate for children. I found that movie deeply troubling due to the subject matter, but also refreshing, because the heroine was not a “nice girl”, or a “good girl”. Yet her bravery in confronting what was done to her through the legal system redeems her. She gets angry, she does “stupid” things, just like our “heroes”.

My second objection is the villainess. I get very tired of female villains, because they are portrayed exclusively as charming on the outside, yet totally evil on the inside. And there are so many of them. Male villains tend to be more complex and are portrayed more sympathetically. Such as the villain in The Hunchback of Notre Dame (Disney version), However who can blame the women villains for being so shallow when the only powerful thing they feel they can do is steal youth, beauty or a wonderful singing voice. So what if I can turn people into toads, I'm not the “fairest of them all”, without which I don't have the power to seduce men and redeem them, therefore I am impotent. Can we please stop proving Freud was right? Or at least acknowledge that the lives of girls and women are more complex and worthy in their own right. And that it isn't a woman's job to “save” the man she loves (or any other man either).

I know this review is overly serious for a silly and really rather fun film, but I'm tired of girls being shown that “they can have it all”, that, yes they are smart and strong and brave and can do everything Fred Astaire does, but in high heels and backwards... that isn't liberation, it's simply a less callous version of “put another log on the fire”.  (song by T. Glaser)

Put another log on the fire.
Cook me up some bacon and some beans.
And go out to the car and change the tyre.
Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.
Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe,
And then go fetch my slippers.
And boil me up another pot of tea.
Then put another log on the fire, babe,
And come and tell me why you're leaving me.

Now don't I let you wash the car on Sunday?
Don't I warn you when you're gettin fat?
Ain't I a-gonna take you fishin' with me someday?
Well, a man can't love a woman more than that.
Ain't I always nice to your kid sister?
Don't I take her driving every night?
So, sit here at my feet 'cos I like you when you're sweet,
And you know it ain't feminine to fight.

So, put another log on the fire.
Cook me up some bacon and some beans.
Go out to the car and lift it up and change the tyre.
Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.
Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe,
And then go fetch my slippers.
And boil me up another pot of tea.
Then put another log on the fire, babe,
And come and tell me why you're leaving me.

P.S. For the ultimate in the anti-heroine see http://www.classicshorts.com/stories/Storyteller.html Saki's classic “The Storyteller”.  

Rough Week

I had a rough week with lots of bad news which I won't go into. I did a bit of hiding in bed for a couple of days, but now I'm over that (for this moment) and ready to post. I have a few things I'm working on and hope to get them up today and tomorrow.

Teen Boy Devastated by Shake!!!

Today, a thirteen year old boy suffered from acute cognitive dysfunction after learning that he was not going to have his usual twice a week chocolate milk shake. This horrible mental attack was marked by irritability, distraction and sudden loss of all mathematical facility. As a consequence he was unable to complete his summer math homework.

The surprise arrival of cookies seemed to alleviate some of his symptoms and he was able to successfully work on his current math assignment and smile again. He  reflected thoughtfully on the unfinished summer math, "If I get all 102 out of 150 problems I did finish correct that will be about 70% and I'll still pass the assignment."

This was today's tempest in a teapot.

Somewhat longer meditation

Today I started a longer sitting meditation practice. Twenty minutes. It was amusing because at the end just when I couldn't make myself wait any longer, I opened my eyes to look at my timer just as the alarm rang. Ironic. Overall I felt very happy, when I wasn't bored. I also felt relaxed and constantly was distracted by 1001 worries, then brought my attention back to counting my breaths. It was interesting to notice that most of my worries and plans are things I've been worrying and planning for months, so it was really a bit much to be thinking that any of them were so important that twenty minutes would make any difference. Now, a scratchy throat? That's something that can't wait, cough, cough.

I'm happy I've been able to keep doing this and hope I will continue, or at least if I drop it, refocus and pick it up again.