Apps for Memory Training

We all want to preserve our ability to remember. Even if there are things we wish we could forget!

These are some of the memory apps I have tried so far:

1. Lumosity: The presentation and quality of the games are fine and varied. I'm a bit skeptical of the science involved since the goal for most people is to prevent dementia  and maintain function, not just improve function. Unless you have a stroke or some other cataclysmic event, dementia generally develops quite gradually. It is this silent, slow progression which makes it so creepy and frightening. 

Putting that aside my other complaints are that I found the puzzles either so challenging as to be frustrating or too easy. It may just be me, but emotionally I found the experience to evoke feelings either of smugness or incompetence. To me that is not helpful. Also I didn't like their model (which may have changed since I played) of so many free sessions and then no access. Naturally one of their goals is to make money, so I can't say I blame them, but to expect someone to really see results and appreciate their product over 2 weeks is unrealistic. 

2. Clockwork Brain: I really enjoyed the puzzles in this game, and the artwork, Steam punk themed, is gorgeous. I got it when it was newish, and was frustrated by the lack of new challenges. Since that time they have expanded.

3. My current favorite is Elevate. It focuses on verbal skills. It has definitely helped me tackle some of my chronic spelling weaknesses. It automatically makes challenges more difficult or more simple depending on how you are doing right at that moment. You play each game until you finish the mission, whether it's making a small flock of birds fly, reaching a distant planet in the Space Shuttle, building a shape, etc. This makes the emotional feeling one of success and of overcoming a realistic challenge, even if the score for the day is worse. As you play your score ranking (across all users) gradually goes up, if you play regularly. It keeps track of your playing streak. It does not take a lot of time to get through the 3 games a day you can play for free, and there is a lot of variety in terms of the games, some are auditory challenges, some more visual, some use a combination of visual and auditory techniques to improve memory. I have no idea if it "really works" in a scientific sense. I remain skeptical since I believe we are still in the baby stage of learning about learning. I do know that I look forward to my several minutes of "training" each day. 

As I find new apps I will update this post and "bump" it.

And if anyone has similar apps they enjoy, please post a comment. I review the comments before they appear so you won't see it right away.

Understanding Illness: The Spoon Theory

I wanted to add this link because it is a great description of how anyone suffering from a chronic illness eventually starts to use as a strategy for living. It is interesting because I believe it used to be a part of general human consciousness before people started to believe that we could just run like machines, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with ocassional off days for maintenance.  The Victorians in particular saw personal energy as limited and something to be carefully meted out. Of course, this didn't apply much or at all to lower classes, and was misapplied to middle class and upper class women, who had to reserve all their energy for child-bearing and rearing. That aside, there is a certain logic to acknowledging that no one can do it all, and for many of us there are additional challenges that sap the day's energy away.

Hope it is helpful.

Anger Thoughts

ANGER. We all feel it, it's like what Erasmus said , "Bidden or Unbidden God is present", only substitute anger for God. Fortunately, I am not angry ALL the time. However I am often angry and do not realize it or pay attention to it. I often think I'm angry about one thing that more acceptable for me to be angry about, when actually, my anger is about something else entirely. 

I wrote this word poem about my typical trigger for anger:

Anyone

Not Seen or Heard

Grows

Excessively

Resentful.

The irony is that often I am the person least willing to acknowledge and accept my own anger. So I try to be more aware of even annoyance. For example today I was training my dog and I started to feel impatient. I noticed my impatience and (this time at least) did not fuss at my dog. Instead I noticed that my neck was hurting and decided training was over for the moment. 

I made a list of anger queries for myself:

- Do I listen to my anger, with compassion? Without judgement? With curiosity?

- Do I remember that anger increases energy, focus and motivation (not necessarily bad)?

- Do I use the products of anger (i.e. that focus, motivation and energy) well? 

Often I stuff or ignore my anger which means that whatever triggered the anger, like my sore neck, gets ignored  and worsens. It's so much better when I listen, see if there is something sensible that can be changed. Surprise, suddenly I have the best dog in the universe again! (except of course for your dog).

Coping :Companionship

Yesterday I spent time with a friend, which felt like college, although college was many years ago for me. It felt like college because our getting together was spontaneous, she was finishing up some work, I was drinking coffee. Later we went for a stroll, going nowhere in particular, talking about whatever came to mind, staying up later than either of us intended. Then we happily went our separate ways with no drama.

To me the ideal companionship is just enough "it's us against the world", with enough, "actually I like the world for the most part" to make plotting for social revolution an unlikely outcome.* It's conversation with enough depth to face the eternal question of "I wonder where I fit in this particular universe" knowing that one's compatriot wishes one well as she too ponders her place in her current life, perhaps the life she never expected. This sort of time together gives me courage and energy to face whatever comes next.

I highly recommend it as a way of coping with chronic illness or just being alive. Oddly enough it can be hard to come by.

_____________________________________________________________________________
*In general I have nothing against social revolutions, I just don't find them helpful in dealing with chronic illness (at least not for me!)

Coping: Distraction

So, now I've had to quit my day job due to poor breathing. Once I clear up the debris from my business, I am hoping to find something else lucrative to do. For the next 2 to 3 months I will be clearing up debris, streamlining my life and expenses, and spending more time blogging.

Today I am going to share some of my methods of coping with being ill. My first go-to is distraction. Sometimes distraction can be very positive as a coping method, sometimes it can be disasterous or at least not vey helpful.

Ways Distraction is Helpful:

- Keeps my mind off physical pain, boredom, loneliness.
- Keeps me calm.
- Reminds me of all the pleasant things in life I can enjoy.
- Brings up positive memories of the things I've enjoyed in the past, whether or not I still enjoy them on this particular day.
- Reminds me that the world doesn't always revolve around me and my "little" problems.
- Reminds me to be grateful.
- Can inspire me by the awesome things other people are doing.

Ways Distraction is Sometimes Harmful

- I ignore my physical symptoms and don't take medicine, eat, sleep, exercise and so forth, sometimes with bad consequences.
- I use a harmful distraction, like alcohol or foods I shouldn't eat (intolerance or allergy).
- I distract myself in ways that make me avoid people when I am well enough (even if just barely) to socialize in some way.
- In distracting myself, I forget to do more productive distractions in favor of less stressful distractions (e.g. solve crosswords rather than pay bills).
- I ignore my symptoms and play super-woman instead of addressing my symptoms. That is I go out, work more than I can tolerate and pay the consequences for several days after.

I'm realizing that this is a sort of trial and error thing. I can't always know how much I need to rest and how much I need to push myself. It's like the what I've read on commentary on the serenity prayer, the wisdom to know whether one can change something or not is partly through trying, but instead of "try, try again" endlessly, I am better off following WC Fields advice: "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it." My son who is an admirer of Camus would remind me that there is no shame in acting like Sisyphus, however I would venture to suggest that Camus wouldn't insist that we always have to push the same boulder up the hill over and over again.

I invite you to comment on how distraction affects you... good, bad or as is so often true for me... who knows?

Changes since my childhood #1

The Cold War is over.

It was like the custody battle over the world. It was endless, it was overly dramatic, at times it was ridiculous, always it was terrifying. It left those caught in between exasperated and at times speechless. Like children they wondered if they were partly to blame, picked sides, changed sides, were bribed with fabulous gifts, accused of siding with "that bastard". It created both legal and physical battles. It was unbelievably expensive and took attention away from everything else. In fact there was nothing which could be spoken of except in the context of the custody battle.

Then at first slowly, but ultimately suddenly the fight stopped. It had gone on for so long that the "children" had all grown up. For while it became possible to see the world in color. And how I enjoyed that. Then, alas, came 9-11, and a different version, a hot war with no possible end, came to pass.

I miss seeing in color.

Artwork

I drew this about a year ago. I am finding that at times drawing is a wonderful, meditative past-time. Getting to this place with drawing has been interesting, in that somehow I kept hold of that childhood notion that either one can draw or one can't. Finally I have the patience (and the teen-aged children) to allow the slow process of sketching non-judgmentally, starting with a random doodle watching myself make one small decision after another so that the image grows under my hand. If there starts to be a recognizable image then my mind becomes occupied with the subject and the image grows into a totem concerning my feelings, thoughts and reactions to the subject. Usually I draw from my imagination, although I have sometimes looked at dozens of pictures of a similar image (e.g. a type of flower) before I find I can work on "my" daffodil.

Needless to say, since I'm not actually that skilled at swaddling babies, in real life the baby above would soon have gracefully wrapped blanket all over the place, which would be a fun image to draw or write about at some future date.

Perhaps patience with oneself  is one of the (potential) blessings of being a bit older, I suddenly don't seem to have places to go in a big rush. I want to be here, with those I love, with myself and with my life. For me this is a healing place. I try to remember the young tender parts of myself as I go forward and swaddle them a bit so they can rest and grow strong.