Artwork

I drew this about a year ago. I am finding that at times drawing is a wonderful, meditative past-time. Getting to this place with drawing has been interesting, in that somehow I kept hold of that childhood notion that either one can draw or one can't. Finally I have the patience (and the teen-aged children) to allow the slow process of sketching non-judgmentally, starting with a random doodle watching myself make one small decision after another so that the image grows under my hand. If there starts to be a recognizable image then my mind becomes occupied with the subject and the image grows into a totem concerning my feelings, thoughts and reactions to the subject. Usually I draw from my imagination, although I have sometimes looked at dozens of pictures of a similar image (e.g. a type of flower) before I find I can work on "my" daffodil.

Needless to say, since I'm not actually that skilled at swaddling babies, in real life the baby above would soon have gracefully wrapped blanket all over the place, which would be a fun image to draw or write about at some future date.

Perhaps patience with oneself  is one of the (potential) blessings of being a bit older, I suddenly don't seem to have places to go in a big rush. I want to be here, with those I love, with myself and with my life. For me this is a healing place. I try to remember the young tender parts of myself as I go forward and swaddle them a bit so they can rest and grow strong.

The Joy of Breathing

This week I have been struggling again with asthma. Somehow a flare up always takes me by surprise, even thought I'm very familiar with the symptoms, fatigue, lethargy, being too tired to eat, muscle aches and a spaced out mental state. Fortunately I'm on my way back to baseline. Once I realize where I am, I am better able to accept it and move on, or in my case, give up on pretending I feel fine, collapse for a few days and begin to regroup.

One creative part of the regrouping process is exploring tools available to help propel me out of the rut of illness, fear and paralysis. I found this very helpful post by Jo Ann La Maistre, which echoed the emotional roller-coaster I've been on since my teens when my problems with allergies really surfaced. As she initially points out there is a tendency to ping-pong between a "Pollyanna" (or new age view "Oh, you're going to grow so much from your suffering!"), and the feeling that somehow I am a failure since I can't seem to get or stay well.

I still struggle with this at public events, most notably when I go contra dancing. I find I have to sit out every other set or I end up in a spasm of coughing endlessly, even when I use my rescue inhaler, even when I'm careful to drink plenty of water, even though the event is perfume and smoke free. So I am still experimenting with what to say when I'm sitting out. I'm striving to just say, "I just like to sit out every other set", but somehow  I seem to feel obligated to explain, perhaps because I don't want  suggest I'm rejecting the prospective partner. I also do like to watch, so I'll try this one out too.

The other part I'm working on today is slowing down, staying in the moment and FOCUSING on one thing at a time. When I'm not feeling well that becomes much more difficult as my mind reels with all the plans I have to let go of to have the time and energy to recover.

Here is a picture of the tool I use to help me with this:

View of Small figurine Through the Scope

Super focus Scope

I learned about this tool, made from readily available household items, in the book Focus Your Writing by Bonnie Hearn. I'm still working my way through the book, but so far can recommend it highly. I especially like that she demystifies the writing process and encourages the writer to go ahead, write and enjoy the writing process.

Brief Update

I just wanted to note that I had an article accepted on Helium, so I have earned my first dollar as a writer. It's not going to show up in my bank account for some time, but I thought it ought to have a place of honor on my blog. I hope to write here more soon as well.

Irony

Ironically I started this blog with some writings about looking for work, and now I myself am looking for a second job or business.

So far I've applied for a job with mental health care, have joined a medical writer's association, have started making crafts (but haven't been brave enough to try to sell them), have sold some things on eBay... I'm also going to try my hand at some public speaking which I enjoy and possibly continue with some content writing (on-line writing) as well. I'm simply trying to do something positive about my financial needs every day, even if it is a small something. It does help me feel a bit better than sitting and fretting.

Of course every solution brings its own challenges. Sometimes challenges are fun opportunities for growth and other time they are simply tiring. I am thankful that I live in an age which provides many different options for work. However I would be much more grateful if the economy was doing better, even if it meant fewer opportunities and challenges!

The Princess Curse: Women Entwined Inexorably With Virtue

Recently I watched Tangled with my son and was struck by the following:

Loved the horse, or is it a dog, or what?

Loved the crazy long hair and how completely impossible everything was. Let's hear it for cartoon physics!

Three cheers for frying pans, even though I'm a Quaker!

I also thought it was a nice touch, at the start, to have a villainess who was primarily charming and manipulative as her form of aggression.

Ok, so the usual Disney Princess fare. And that's the problem. There's our Hero, who is, of course, tediously good-looking, healthy and as usual egotistical, callous, an unapologetic law-breaker and basically a no-good guy whose saving graces are being handsome, reckless, and arrogantly thoughtless. Enter our Princess who while agile (especially with the hair! Hey if mine could work as a prehensile limb, I'd never cut mine either!), creative, intelligent and deeply sensitive and caring, is also almost entirely unquestioning of authority, deeply into people-pleasing as her main source of protection (ok, she's decent with a frying pan, and don't forget her mighty chameleon side-kick) and otherwise is “as good as she is beautiful.”

By the end of the predictable if enjoyable tale, our hero has been saved by falling in love with our perfect princess (did I mention she's a size 2 soaking wet and dipped in batter?) which brings out all his finer qualities.

I have 2 objections: the first is that this plays into the myth that women are responsible for saving the world and every single man in it, one at a time, through being beautiful, good, and at most a bit whiny. The only “allowable faults” are vanity and intense emotions (excluding intense anger of course).

I want to see the other story, the one about the girl/young woman who is not “good” and who is redeemed. In thinking about this the only movie that comes to mind is “The Accused”, which is hardly appropriate for children. I found that movie deeply troubling due to the subject matter, but also refreshing, because the heroine was not a “nice girl”, or a “good girl”. Yet her bravery in confronting what was done to her through the legal system redeems her. She gets angry, she does “stupid” things, just like our “heroes”.

My second objection is the villainess. I get very tired of female villains, because they are portrayed exclusively as charming on the outside, yet totally evil on the inside. And there are so many of them. Male villains tend to be more complex and are portrayed more sympathetically. Such as the villain in The Hunchback of Notre Dame (Disney version), However who can blame the women villains for being so shallow when the only powerful thing they feel they can do is steal youth, beauty or a wonderful singing voice. So what if I can turn people into toads, I'm not the “fairest of them all”, without which I don't have the power to seduce men and redeem them, therefore I am impotent. Can we please stop proving Freud was right? Or at least acknowledge that the lives of girls and women are more complex and worthy in their own right. And that it isn't a woman's job to “save” the man she loves (or any other man either).

I know this review is overly serious for a silly and really rather fun film, but I'm tired of girls being shown that “they can have it all”, that, yes they are smart and strong and brave and can do everything Fred Astaire does, but in high heels and backwards... that isn't liberation, it's simply a less callous version of “put another log on the fire”.  (song by T. Glaser)

Put another log on the fire.
Cook me up some bacon and some beans.
And go out to the car and change the tyre.
Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.
Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe,
And then go fetch my slippers.
And boil me up another pot of tea.
Then put another log on the fire, babe,
And come and tell me why you're leaving me.

Now don't I let you wash the car on Sunday?
Don't I warn you when you're gettin fat?
Ain't I a-gonna take you fishin' with me someday?
Well, a man can't love a woman more than that.
Ain't I always nice to your kid sister?
Don't I take her driving every night?
So, sit here at my feet 'cos I like you when you're sweet,
And you know it ain't feminine to fight.

So, put another log on the fire.
Cook me up some bacon and some beans.
Go out to the car and lift it up and change the tyre.
Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.
Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe,
And then go fetch my slippers.
And boil me up another pot of tea.
Then put another log on the fire, babe,
And come and tell me why you're leaving me.

P.S. For the ultimate in the anti-heroine see http://www.classicshorts.com/stories/Storyteller.html Saki's classic “The Storyteller”.  

Rough Week

I had a rough week with lots of bad news which I won't go into. I did a bit of hiding in bed for a couple of days, but now I'm over that (for this moment) and ready to post. I have a few things I'm working on and hope to get them up today and tomorrow.

Teen Boy Devastated by Shake!!!

Today, a thirteen year old boy suffered from acute cognitive dysfunction after learning that he was not going to have his usual twice a week chocolate milk shake. This horrible mental attack was marked by irritability, distraction and sudden loss of all mathematical facility. As a consequence he was unable to complete his summer math homework.

The surprise arrival of cookies seemed to alleviate some of his symptoms and he was able to successfully work on his current math assignment and smile again. He  reflected thoughtfully on the unfinished summer math, "If I get all 102 out of 150 problems I did finish correct that will be about 70% and I'll still pass the assignment."

This was today's tempest in a teapot.